You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
