So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
