So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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