Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
