it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
