yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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