i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
