obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
