wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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