just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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