when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
