I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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