I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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