I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
