Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
