At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
