I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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