Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
