She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
