But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
