P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
