He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
high people should be assigned attendants
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
