i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
