I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
