from now on my penis is your penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
