You're my little dorito
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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