The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
