i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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