Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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