dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
