Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
