and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
