you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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