Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
