Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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