All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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