My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
