I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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