I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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