the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
