I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how drunk are you?
Several
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
