how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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