I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
