Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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