Tell her she can't have a vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
