If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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