I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
