Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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