just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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