eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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