I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
