How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
