I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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