He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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