God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am available for nakedness
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